As we sought necessary educational services for our child, we had no idea what we were doing. As a result, we made some tactical (yes, tactical) mistakes.

Based on our experience, there are certain things that every parent who has (or may have) a child with special needs must do for the benefit of their child. Some of the more important things you should consider doing (and why) are:

• Get help early: The sooner you get help, the better. If your child is under age 3 (the public school district does not get involved until your child turns age 3), contact Family Ties of Massachusetts. They should be able to put you in touch with an Early Intervention service provider in your area.

• Obtain an independent, comprehensive evaluation: Such evaluation should be from a reputable organization that regularly deals with children with special needs. Evaluations are covered by some health insurance plans. Speak to your pediatrician; he or she should be able to find appropriate professionals to address your concerns. I would not rely on an evaluation provided by the school district.  

• Hire an Educational Advocate: Whether you like it or not, this is an adversarial process. It took us almost a year to figure this one out. Luckily, after only a year of going it alone, we were able to fix most of the issues we originally missed (due to our lack of experience and our desire to "play nicely").

• Hire an Attorney: Once the district starts to lose control of the situation, the game of hardball really begins. It is possible that they will deny services, even those that cost nothing, just to establish and maintain a certain level of control. As a taxpayer, you may expect that a discussion with the district's Superintendent may improve the situation. We thought so too but we turned out to be wrong. 

• Become an Advocate: You must be your child's most vocal advocate. Yes, a hired advocate and an attorney are both very important and can provide you with a certain measure of objectivity. But, you know your what your child needs better than anyone. Go with your instincts, even in the face of resistance. 

• Become Educated: Regardless of how much (or how little) formal education you have, when it comes to special education law and regulations, YOU KNOW NOTHING! Some parts of the law and regulations can appear to be somewhat convoluted and quite ambiguous. Moreover, its enforcement seems open to interpretation depending largely on whom you ask.

• Stay Proactive: Said another way, being passive will get you nowhere. If your child needs a service today, at best he or she may begin receiving such service in 8 to 12 weeks. Why? First, a meeting will be scheduled; next a meeting may be held; then, the IEP amendment will need to be drafted; then, you may need to request that such IEP amendment be modified; once a signed IEP has been delivered to the school (and not before), an effort will be made to put the service into place. Remember, delay and deferral of services saves the district funds.

• Request Information from the District: You are entitled to receive copies of any evaluations or reports regarding your child at least 48 hours prior to an IEP meeting. Be aware that you must request these reports and the school need only "make them available" to you 48 hours in advance. They do not need to deliver them to you. Be prepared to pick up reports at the school yourself.

• Get Everything in Writing: This means everything. Having started off as reasonably trusting of our school's SPED administration, we quickly learned how memories fail at the most inopportune times. Usually, it relates to what was or was not agreed to at a TEAM meeting. Over and above the procedural requirements for meeting notes and N1 forms (best explained to you by an advocate), you can safely assume that if you have not gotten it in writing, don't count on your child receiving the service.

• Please Speak Out: We very much understand the desire to remain anonymous. For some, speaking out is simply not an option. There is no shame in quietly working to get what your child needs. But by getting more involved as a group, we may be able to exert more pressure on those who are supposed to be acting on our behalf and in the best interests of all of our children.